We hold our mothers to impossible standards. They must be perfect. They must not make mistakes. They must be role models, caregivers, unselfish, forever giving and forgiving. They must be fully formed, full of wisdom, and full of unconditional love.
Over my own years of motherhood, I have learned to forgive myself for my shortcomings, cut myself some slack, allow myself room to be a human being. I'm not perfect, I just need to be there, to try my best. I have to show up for the important stuff, pick the most important battles, and guide my child in the best way I can. Then let the other stuff go. I also need to show my son my humanity and model imperfection.
I must also allow my own mother to be flawed. This has been a harder journey. I understand her struggles. I empathize with her journey. I know she's had to make her own hard choices. But I also hold her up to an impossible standard that I must let go.
I love you, Mom. I know you've done your best, and that's enough.